Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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