Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
