When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
