it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
