I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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