The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
