And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
