Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i came on her dog
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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