omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
