remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
