I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
