i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
