Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
