She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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