I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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