You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
