I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
