i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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