You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
