You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Mom said you looked used
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
