Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
