i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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