Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
