My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
