So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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