I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
