one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
