Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
