just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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