Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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