umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
