I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
