I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
