I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
