If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
