Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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