if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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