So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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