cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
