Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
