i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
