Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
