I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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