just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
