are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
