Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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