why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
