i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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