I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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