Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
