You just made me feel so damn special
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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