Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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