there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
