I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
