RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Come see our sink grown plant.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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