i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
